WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN MEN

• Guitars don't work late.
• Your Guitar stays as clean as you want it to.
• Guitars don't have parents or kids.
• Guitars don't get sick.
• Guitars don't get overweight, unless you like the Jumbo style.
• If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.
• Your Guitar always has time for you.
• Guitars don't watch TV.
• Guitars never need a shave, nor do they have hair on their backs.
• Guitars don't snore.
• Guitars don't leave a mess in the kitchen or bathroom.
• If you don't like the length of your Guitar's appendage you can get a new one.
• You can try out as many Guitars as you like before you get your own.
• You don't have to feed your Guitar.
• Guitars never argue, you are always right.
• Guitars never wake you up in the middle of the night, for any reason.
• Guitars never try to show you off to their friends.
• Guitars don't come home drunk after a night out with the other Guitars.
• Guitars don't sneak around with other Guitars.
• Guitars don't care what you look like or what your age is.
• Guitars don't care and don't comment about what you spend your money on.
• Guitars don't care if you have to work late.
• When you're playing, your Guitar doesn't care if other Guitars are bigger or better.
• Guitars don't care about their performance.
• Guitars don't get you pregnant.
• Guitars don't have mothers.
• When you've finished playing, you can put it away.
• You don't have to praise a Guitar after playing it.
• Guitars don't sulk.
• Guitars don't bore you.
• Guitars don't abandon you at gatherings for more interesting players.
• Guitars don't have to prove anything.
• Guitars don't try to change you once you've bought them.
• Guitars don't get jealous of your male colleagues.
• Guitars never interrogate you.
• Second-hand Guitars don't brag about previous owners.
• Second-hand Guitars don't go to see previous owners when you're out of town.
• Guitars never put you down, yet you can put them down whenever you wish.
• Guitars don't complain if you wear "sensible" clothes.
• Guitars don't have egos.
• Guitars don't need remote control units.
• When you're lost you don't have to argue with your Guitar about stopping to ask the band for directions.
• When your Guitar is being played too slow, you can speed up.
• When you need someone to play with, your Guitar is happy to accommodate.
• You buy the tools your Guitar needs; it doesn't buy tools that never get used.
• You don't have to continually assure your Guitar that its string length is just right.
• You determine the length and frequency of playing, and you're always in control.
• Your Guitar doesn't complain about your going out to dinner with your women friends rather than staying at home with it.
• You never get helpful suggestions from your Guitar's mother.
• Your Guitars will allow you to play it even on Super Bowl Sunday.
• Your Guitar never complains if you put on a few pounds.
• When your Guitar is dysfunctional you know how to get it fixed (and know that it can be fixed).
• Your Guitar will never earn more than you do for the same job just because it's a Guitar.
• Your Guitar never spends a "night out with the Guitars" and comes home with a strange rash on its fretboard.

and last, but not least:

• Your Guitar will never turn into a fat bellied blob of wood and metal on the couch in front of the TV.